| Hmm. |
[04 Aug 2004|04:16am] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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So, I guess my promise to keep this updated went to Hell.
I am much too tired for details now, although there are plenty of thoughts in my head to make a great entry.
In a nutshell, I'm now going into Junior Year. Not too much is going on, this summer is not the greatest. Other than that, I've been spending a lot of time with friends. I have a new found love for sneaking out. The lonely feeling is finally settling; it's been here too long.
Hmm. I am a DeadJournal whore, so check it out: http://www.deadjournal.com/users/me2k00l4you. The layout on there is pretty sunny.
Peace homies.
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| Back to what I once started... |
[27 Mar 2004|09:32am] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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Yellow Card - "Ocean Avenue" |
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I left this journal so quickly and so long ago, it seems so strange to write in here again. I know that's silly, but you always think that when you leave a part of yourself behind that it will probably never return to you. That just isn't true.
There is a part of me that has never been able to let go of the past. I believe it is because that part, despite all my efforts, never wanted to. It refused to let go. I am thankful for that. This journal chronicled a part of my life with the coming of 2004, that I never want to forget. I learned and loved so much since then... I honestly never really could forget these past entries. But there is a part of me that has been missing since I left this. It was missing for some time while I was still here. But in the beginning it was there. And I've realized that the goals I had set for my Sixteenth Birthday had long been forgotten, while at the same time I am finding a newer, better version of myself. It's not this journal. It is pieces of my heart.
(I'm fully aware that this is an extremely confusing entry that will make sense probably to... none of you. Sorry about that.)
It's silly... I left this journal and closed myself off from pretty much everything because of one tiny little person. And now I'm back because broken hearts really can shake your whole world.
So in the end, after way too much laziness, I decided to post in here again. If you would still like to read it, that would be nice. If not, I'll understand.
P.S. - Despite my best efforts, boys are still silly and I shall never understand them...
-Al
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| ='( |
[15 Jan 2004|01:45pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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Blink 182 - "Obvious" |
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OMG. Hi guys!
I am sorry. I shouldn't neglect this Journal as much as I do, it's been very good to me.
::pats::
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| Happy, stupid, New Year. |
[01 Jan 2004|04:47pm] |
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mood |
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grateful |
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music |
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"Losing My Religion" by R.E.M. |
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So, how'd you spend your New Year's Night Alena?
I stayed at home with my family for New Year's Eve dinner... mom was wicked evil, so I didn't eat much, layed on the couch and watched Law & Order, missed the ball drop... fuck it. Didn't get to be with Chris, he was out with his friends at a party. And everyone was out getting drunk.
He came home early though, and called me; he's so sweet. I know my New Year's Eve was not super fun for anyone reading this, but it was one filled with much happiness simply because I had Chris to talk to. He didn't have to come home, but he did and he called me... he was so tired, we both kind of fell asleep on the phone around 2:35 a.m.
Said good-night.
The end.
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| I want this to work. |
[27 Dec 2003|11:18am] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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3 Doors Down - "When I'm Gone" |
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Only when making attempts at descriptions of you, of this, do words fail me.
Your flawless sense of being leaves me so entirely speechless, so entirely redundant.
[All that you are is truly everything, to me.]
Thank you for doing so much more than simply being my angelface.
[Thank you. For you.]
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| And when it all falls into place, you wish someone would shake the puzzle box again. |
[27 Dec 2003|01:36am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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Midtown - "No Place Feels Like Home" |
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Yesterday, I went to the mall with Dad and Rach to shop. Fun overall, except for the massive crowds that made me realize things with each passing face. And for me, it's hard to realize things that I'm not sure if I'll be able to change. Like these masses of people bumping into each other with one thing on their minds - materialism.
I'm the same way, I admit, and I'm trying to change. But it's so hard when everything around you tells you you're only as good as whatever parts of you are externalized and manifested into tangible objects. Everywhere I go, it's capitalism flooded into every single aspect of our lives. Material and money and possessions dictate our almost every decision, feeling, and thought. And that's scary. Even scarier that I've only come to realize it within these past few months. It is scariest to come to the realization that people don't own their possessions, the possessions own them. And I don't know how to change that.
Really, people merely think they need most things in life because every teenage molecule in their material-driven bodies tells them that if they don't wear this, or don't own that, then they are nothing. And, indeed, they are cast aside, worthless to every other person passing by.
Like everything else that is constantly changing, my opinions now run deeper than ever and I'm understanding all these viewpoints that I once opposed. Furthermore, I now find myself agreeing with those viewpoints. I don't want to be her, or him, or them, or anyone. I want to be me. But these words reek of cliches, although they're true. Nobody likes to be predictable or simplified into a checklist of things. People all just want to be free. But how can one be free when everything is so constricted and judgemental?
Don't know what I mean? Well, here's a little at-home experiment for you. Go to your nearest mall, head into a Hot Topic, buy yourself an outfit with accessories to match. Now, head out to your nearest mall, concert, public place with a lot of people. If you were able to read into the minds of your observers, you'd find varying results, with two (more or less) viewpoints.
Side A loves you. They marvel at your clothes, your bracelets, your hair. If they're not already like you, you can bet they want to be like you now. They want every single piece of material you wear on your body. Everything. They assume you feel, think, and act like themselves just by the way you look. You're what they consider different.
Now let's take a look at Side B. Side B hates you. They would probably call you a corporate slut or something of that sort if only they weren't so intent on walking as far away from you as possible. They think everything about you is no longer charming due to its commercial retail value, and now you have a big, fat, invisible sign on you marked, "POSER" in big, fat, red letters. They don't think you're different at all. They think you're trying to be, but failing horribly.
Either way, this is my point - I don't want to be on eitherside. I don't even want there to be "sides". But as far as I know, it's unavoidable. I fall into one of those sides, whether I like it or not. I choose not to state which side of the cassette I fall into, because that's just furthering the act of categorizing, which is inevitable anyways. I don't even know why I bring up these things sometimes, when it just seems like a circle of questions with no answers.
What does one define as confidence? Perhaps, as having the courage to do anything? I probably would. But then why is it that once one doesn't feel superior, that confidence falls to the ground and shatters faster than any glass vase?
When one becomes so accustomed to a persona they build for themselves, a persona that they feel makes them stand out, makes them special, makes them wonderful and higher in some sense, what do they do once they fall (even for just a moment) among the crowds? Those times they feel lost and insignificant, the times they feel that every pair of eyes are nothing but red lasers scanning and beeping across that barcode across their chest. In reality, it's not like they're any less than anybody else, they can't be if they're the same species as them. But that's just the problem. One didn't want to admit it before, but they can't hide anymore - one craves to be different and special and everything that everyone else is not.
We want glory.
We want spotlight.
We want flowers thrown at our feet and hands clapped in our presence.
I understand that now.
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[26 Dec 2003|10:48am] |
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mood |
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peaceful |
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music |
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Midtown - "No Place Feels Like Home" |
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Wow, been a bit since I last updated...
Well, my grades for the First Trimester didn't go that bad, thankfully... today I am starting my Holiday shopping... lol, and I want to go shopping... sounds mucho fun. *hmph*
eck, Christmas wasn't so merry this year, I just wanted to be left alone online, but I went to my aunt's for dinner and that was kind of fun. Hope your Christmas was better than mine though. ^^;; Right now, I'm so... tired today and just don't want to do anything...
Well, finally got my cellie that Dad got me for Christmas, so I've been calling everyone [Give me your cell # so I'll give you a ring...], So I've been having fun with that. And now I want a Dickies bag and some new clothes from Hot Topic! *giggle* Oh the joys of having money to spend. And my Sweet 16 is coming up, I need a really cute dress ^.^
So I'm in an odd mood today. I seriously need to look around for some stuff at the mall... *rambles on for 5 minutes*
Well I must be off to go shower... later, kids.
<3 , me.
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| sick. survey time. |
[09 Dec 2003|10:45am] |
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peaceful |
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Useless I.D. - "Time To Move On" |
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YOUR:
Name: Alena Eydlish
Nicknames: People sometimes call me Al, Lenz, Lina, Elmo, Hyena, "Eyelash", Summer, Psychotic Bitch (Simone). hmm, that's about it.
Birthday: January 9
Age: Fifteen
Age you feel: Fifteen
Height: 5'2 or 5'3
Hair color: Light brown; I was born with dirty blond hair though.
Eye color: Hazel green.
Piercing: One in each ear lobe. Getting two more in both. And, lip would be cool.
Usual jewelry? Ton of bracelets, chain, three rings, earrings.
What is sitting next to you right now? Dad's cell, his CD's, T-1 Modem, mouse, lots of pens, and lots of papers.
Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? Let me get there first.
Who makes you happy? Chris, my best friends.
What makes you happy? The Ataris, rock, shows, compliments, nice people, hugs, etc.
What do you like to do? Internet stuff, watch movies, listen to music, write poetry, hang out.
What did you do yesterday? Woke up, went to school, after school went to auditions for the new Drama Program at school, but SUCKED, worked on the school newspaper, had a massive snow war with Satchell, Alvin, and Tarun, bus never showed up, walked from Englewood to Dumont in the icy weather, came home and passed out, woke up at 3 in the morning, read for American Literature, now home sick with a sore throat.
Wheels: Huh?
YOUR PERSONALITY
3 words to describe you: Perfectionist, insomniac, caring.
3 words to describe how you look: Short, blah, blah.
ARE YOU:
Shy? Around people I don't know.
Aggressive? Not really...
A tidy person? In some cases.
A good student? I try.
Good at sports? I like to run.
A good driver? Eh, as of right now I don't have my license... looking forward to running over old people, and ramming into walls and stuff in March.
A good actor/actress? I love to act, but there is definitely room for improvement.
DO YOU:
Have a deep dark secret no one knows except you? Kind of.
Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off? Take them off, unless I am leaving again soon.
Like your body? fuck no.
Sleep with a stuffed animal? Yes, loads. Kerr-Bear and Bum the dog, Snoopy, among others.
Remember being born? No, but I could only imagine. Born weighing 10 pounds; fact which justifies why my dear mother lost nine teeth in the process.
Have a lava lamp? I want one! hmm, perhaps for Christmas. *wishful thinking*
Like to watch cartoons? Daria.
Like sunrises or sunsets the most? Sunsets, pretty colors.
Like picnics? Haven't been on one in a while.
Like school? Who does?
Enjoy parks? Don't go to those too often either, anymore.
theme parks? I like Hersey Park.
Collect anything? CD's, bottle caps...
Like to party? Haven't been to a real party in a while...
Get in trouble a lot? Can't say I do.
FAVORITE:
Movies? American History X, The Basketball Diaries, Big Daddy, The Matrix (all of the series), The Beach.
Favorite activity to do on a rainy day? Listen to the rain and thunder. But I think I would enjoy cuddling if that ever were to happen. *cough*
Favorite activity to do with other people? Chill.
Favorite activity to do anytime? Internet crap.
Favorite board game? Monopoly. I rule.
Favorite place to visit? Upstate, New York, maybe. I love it there.
Favorite Song(s)? Midtown songs Useless I.D. Songs, Jimmy Eat World songs, Slipknot songs, Thrice songs, fuck, I don't know, this question SUCKS ASS.
Favorite pair of underwear? They're pink so they kick ass. ;D
Favorite article of clothing? My black "SUCK IT UP" shirt.
Favorite model: Cars.
Favorite color: Black, silver.
Favorite flower: Roses, I think.
Favorite comedian: hmm.
Favorite website(s): www.blackpeopleloveus.com, www.emogame.com, www.deadjournal.com/users/me2k00l4you, and www.urbandictionary.com
Drug of choice: Life.
Time you get up in the morning: usually between 6 and 6:30.
Who do you talk to the most online? Chris.
If you won a million dollars what would you spend it on? Buy a house for my family away from Dumont, and a BMW... and, I don't know... *dreams*
Do you enjoy taking online tests like the Gay Test or the Personality test? Woo hoo. I love 'em.
Would you vote for a black male President? I wouldn't care enough to vote in the first place.
Would you marry for money? Nope...
When was the last time you had a hickey? *gasp* NEVER!
Could you live without a computer? I'm going to go with "no."
How many people are on your Instant Messenger list? Around 170 now; I deleted a shit load of people I don't talk to, ever.
What is the last movie you saw? In the theatre: The Haunted Mansion (with my little sister). At home: Pirates of the Caribbean (just watched it on DVD).
When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? OFF, OFF is always better. ;)
What's your best drug story? Nope, drugs aren't my thing. But I must say, watching others hotbox a shack is oh so much fun. Hilarious.
If not a junkie, what's the best drug story you've heard from one of your stupd, substance-addled dumb stupid friends? Josh told me a tale of hallucinations after doing shrooms and finding the food floating away from his refrigerator, as he opened it.
Have you ever used a hose or a funnel to drink? No, no, no.
If you drink at what age did you start? Since I was a baby! But alcohol... no.
HAVE YOU EVER...
Tried witchcraft? Yes.
Tried sushi? Yes, awesome.
Tried scarfing? What?
Tried naturism? No?
Tried bungee jumping? Scared of heights.
Played "Truth or Dare"? hah, when I was 12.
Loved somebody so much it made you cry? Yes.
Had someone other than your family say they love you? Yes.
Drank alcohol? No...
Smoked? Smoked a cig two years ago or so. Never did it again.
Broken the law? Yes, sir.
Had chicken pox? When I was little.
Had stitches? Yes. 17 of 'em.
Broken a bone? Just minor fractures.
Had surgery? Nothing serious.
Cheated on a test? *cough*yes*cough*
More than once? *shrugs*
Skinny-dipped? Sounds fun, but no.
Played strip poker? I can't even play poker.
Flashed someone? HAH!
Kissed someone you didn't know? No.
Been in a physical fight? With my little sister.
Been hospitalized? Yes.
Rode in a police car? Nope.
Been on a plane? Yes.
Been in a sauna? Yes.
Swam in the ocean? A little. It was too cold.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT:
Scars? I hate them.
Abortion? Pro-Choice. People are ignorant.
Country music? Not my favorite.
Classical music? It's alright.
Airplanes? Cool.
Amusement parks? They're okay.
WHAT IS:
Your good luck charm? I don't have one.
The worst song you have ever heard? No idea.
The best song you've ever heard? Too many to narrow it down to one.
The most embarrassing tape/cd in your collection? I'd have to get up and look, but I am too lazy.
The stupidest thing you've ever done? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. *GAG*
Today? Tuesday.
Your bedroom like? Big, kind of. Messy as fuck.
WOULD YOU:
Eat a live hamster for a million dollars? NO!
Go to a Hanson concert if you had a free ticket? Sure.
IF YOU WERE STUCK ON A DESERT ISLAND:
Which person would you want with you? Chris.
What 3 things would you take from your room? Computer, my bed, and... clothes?
Finally, what is your life motto? "Don't take life seriously - you never get out alive anyways".
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| Aliens |
[07 Dec 2003|12:56pm] |
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peaceful |
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music |
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"Wait and Bleed" by Slipknot |
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Aliens. They. are all people, but they aren't really.
I call them aliens sometimes. Sometimes I think that's the wrong term for them though. The definition of alien is dissimilar, inconsistent, or opposed, as in nature. That's what they are to me. Perfect. Against human nature. They all claim to be as imperfect as I am. I can keep saying that I think that they're perfect.
But, I suppose, only I see it that way.
Sometimes I understand, though; why they think that they aren't what I see them to be. I compare them to myself, and compared to me, indeed, they are perfect. Compared to others, they are not. But do others really matter? What do the people who don't care about you matter? Why would you compare yourself to them? Compare yourself to only your friends, and in turn, you will see what they are to you.
I am not skilled. Some people say that I'm multi-talented, but I've just been jumping around, trying my best to find my forte in a world full of all forms of art. I sing in the choir, I love to write poetry, and everyone says that I sound like I have a high IQ and a high level of thinking. Do I? I sing, yet I feel as though I have never been heard. I write poetry, yet I feel like I'm putting nothing into it. I study, yet I feel as though I will fail anyway.
This is what I need the "aliens" for. For encouragement. For guidance. For a voice that says in my head that I am worth something. For a kind and loving shoulder to lean on whenever I am sad.
There is one, a nice, caring, loving friend who likes to pretend. He seems happy, he seems content, and is always willing to give a helping hand. But he too, lives in a real world like I do. He has pain, he has suffering, and he has rejection. I can't see this though, through the unbreakable smile he wears. Through that mask of hiding, he rarely ever shows his true face to me. But every day, I smile, and say "hello", and it feels like he looks at me again with his true face... weary, worn down. Tired of things happening.
There is one, an amazing, caring, great guy who I will never find pretending. He has loneliness, and he has happiness. He is a cynic, and he's a dreamer. He inspires me in every way... and yet, he will actually talk to me. Which surprises me. I don't get that... people I admire aren't supposed to talk to me. Yet, he talks with me every night, tells me everything I need to hear... and he tells the truth. I don't know anyone else like him... and I doubt I ever will. I love him. Yes. He's always there, and I always think that it's too perfect to be real. Maybe I'm lucky, or maybe he's stupid for being at my side. If it's just luck... then why is it I feel like I'm always drawn to him? Why is it he says these wonderful things, when I know I don't deserve them? Why does he care? Hmm. I wonder if it's fate.
There is one, a young girl with the mind of a person far older than her. She's seen more than people have even twice her age, and has managed to survive it all. But she, even though she has her own difficulties, manages to help me, too. She is a bit eccentric, but can make me smile even if I've had the worst of days. She helps me in whatever I need help with... poetry, a cure for boredom. And I know that I could never find anyone to replace her.
There are so many others. Yet another artist, classic, emotional, a person who I've looked up to for about two years now. The blunt, and amusing person that can always make me laugh. A friend who wants me to actually be safe and cared for, instead of having to go through the pain of my thoughts every day.
I can't help but think... why is it that I, a person with nothing to give but undying loyalty, am friends with these aliens of mine? I'm human. I have faults. And, I'm sure the others do too... but I don't want to see them. Is that what a friend is for? Not reminding people of their faults? We all know we have them, and we don't need others to point them out to us.
But I digress.
The people who I love the most, the people most dear to me... they are all aliens. And I have guidance and faith in myself only when they are around. They are perfect, but I'm not jealous of them because of my imperfections. They are perfect to me, and I hope that in turn... that I can be perfect to them.
I hope someday to be your "alien", my dear friends.
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[30 Nov 2003|02:50pm] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
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"Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down |
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*sigh*
I needed change. So I got a LiveJournal.
Now I need to change my life. The changes I make in the next few months will be productive, healthy, and will build me to be a better person. Now it's time to take a breath, step back, and evaluate.
Some Goals That Should Be Reached By My 16th Birthday:
1. Get my permit.
2. Aim for a nearly 4.0 GPA all of my Sophomore year.
3. Obtain a part-time job that will challenge and broaden my knowledge.
4. Begin a healthier lifestyle (i.e., lose 20 pounds)
5. Continue talking to Chris.
6. Apologize to those who have hurt me.
Okay, so I understand that all of this is rather trivial, but as I sit here and type away at this journal entry, I'm thinking that I don't want to lead my life in this chaotic nonchalant whirlpool of brokeness. All those raw edges I'm feeling, all of the emotions I want to put to rest, all of the stupid things I want to deal with and all of the times where I made myself feel stupid that need to be forgotten - they're going to be taken care of by January 9th, 2004.
Wish me luck.
-->Alena<--
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| a survey. |
[28 Nov 2003|10:44pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
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music |
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Thrice - "In Your Hands" |
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{Personal Questions}
1. How Old Are You? 15
2. When Is Your Birthday? January 9th...
3. What Is Your Full Name? Alena Eydlish.
{Current Questions}
1. How Are You Feeling? Okay... no more headaches...
2. What Are You Wearing? sweatpants and some crappy t-shirt.
3. What Are You Drinking? Nothing.
4. What Are You Eating? Nothing.
{Random Questions}
1. Do You Like The Number 4? No. I like the number... 9
2. Who Do You Love? My friends and family.
3. Who Do You Hate? I don't have forever to type, you know?
4. Who Are You Lusting After? hmm, lusting? No, not lusting...
[Nicknames, including from family] Al, Lina, "Elmo", "Typewriter", "Summer", Len, Eyelash, English, and much much more
[Screen name] mE 2 k00L 4 yOu ...in my userinfo...
[Astrological sign?] Capricorn
[Sexual Preference] Guys, all the way.
[Religion] Eh, not religious; don't believe in the existence of "God".
[Current Hair color/length] Shoulder length now - light brown
[Eye color] Hazel/Green.
[Height] 5'2
[weight] *blinks blankedly* scales make people cry.
[Shoe size] I think... 7.
[Parents still together?] Yes.
[ Siblings? ] 1 younger sister and 2 step-sisters, which do not live with me nor aren't spoken of, so let's just say 1 younger sister.
[ Kids of your own? ] FUCK NO.
[ Grandkids? ] It's not possible.
[ Pets?] just stuffed animals... o_0
[ Rent, lease, or own your home? ] parents' house.
[ How much do you make? ] Absolutely nothing.
[ have any credit cards? ] No.
[ What do you drive? ] Just getting my permit this year...
Favorites
[ Color] black, silver.
[ Number ] 9, 19
[ Animal ] Unicorns are pretty.
[ Vehicle ] blue Toyota Supra, blue BMW
[ Flower ] @---^--
[ Scent ] rain, coffee, permanent markers, candles, money, body sprays, lavender
[ Shape ] <3
[ Drinks ] Snapple
[ Soda ] Pepsi
[ Book ] The Catcher in the Rye
[ Band ] too many to list... Taking Back Sunday rocks!
[ Song ] stuck in my head at the moment, "In Your Hands" by Thrice
Do you...
[ Twirl your hair? ] Not that I'm aware of..
[ Have tattoos? ] One day... perhaps, one.
[ Have piercings? ] Yes.
[ Cheat on tests/homework? ] Of course.
[ Like roller coasters? ] Heights scare me.
[ Wish you could live somewhere else? ] Yes, anywhere but here.
[ Want more piercings? ] Yes.
[ Like cleaning? ] Dust bunnies. Pure joy.
[ Write in cursive or print? ] Print.
[ Carry a donor card? ] Nope.
[ Swear a lot? ] at times...
[ Own a web cam? ] Nope.
[ Diet? ] Well, I can only have a moderate amount of sugar intake so yes... I am on a type of diet.
[ Own a cell phone? ] Nope.
Have you ever...
[ Gotten a speeding ticket?] I don't drive...
[ DUI? ] Huh?
[ Been in a wreck? ] Nope.
[ Been arrested? ] Nope.
[ Been in a fist fight? ] No.
[ Kicked someone in the nuts? ] Sounds like fun.
[ Stolen a car? ] I should try that some time, *evil grin*
[ Stolen anything? ] Yes.
[ Held a gun? ] Yes. *coughshould'veshotpeoplecough*
[ Considered a life of crime? ] No.
[ Considered being a hooker? ] No.
[ Been married? ] No.
[ Cried over a girl? ] My best friend.
[ Cried over a boy? ] Yes.
[ Lied to someone? ] Yes.
[ Been in love? ] Honestly. I don't even know myself.
[ Had sex outdoors? ] No.
[ Fallen for your best friend? ] No.
[ Made out with JUST a friend? ] Yes.
[ Been rejected? ] Yes.
[ Been in lust? ] Eh.
[ Used someone? ] No.
[ Been used? ] Oh, yes... *sighs*
[ Been cheated on? ] Yes.
[ Experimented with homosexuality? ] Sure.
[ Tried to kill yourself? ] Contemplated suicide, but never actually attempted it.
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| This is Thanksgiving. |
[27 Nov 2003|04:28pm] |
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mood |
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okay |
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music |
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Nirvana - "Rape Me" |
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Well, since it is Thanksgiving, I'm going to write what I'm thankful for, and what I'm not thankful for. I guess it's all a part of trying to get into the spirit of the holiday. Firstly, and most importantly, I'm thankfully for a family. I love them dearly. I am thankful for them buying me clothes, food, and working, therefore we have money to buy a house, etc. and I know at times we may not get along, but without my family, I really wouldn't be able to live. I'm thankful for their love, and more.
Secondly, my friends. All of them, even the people I don't even know but just say "Hello" to, because it's people like those who brighten up my day. Some names... Cindy is the type of friend that makes me feel better in all situations. She makes me smile and laugh, and every other emotion. She's my best friend (since 5th grade), and the bestest friend one can have. Paul & Chris even though I never met Chris, and haven't seen Paul since September, they mean a lot to me, more than I ever thought, actually. They both brighten my spirits up & I love staying up and talking to Chris for hours upon hours, literally. We have this bond, that I can't even understand myself. Yujie is my close friend, too. He puts up with my "shitty" moments, and gives me a reality check when I need to figure out a great deal. The few times we hung out were great, and I look forward to many memories. I am also thankful for my DJ and LJ friends cause I love all the advice and you guys are totally cool. =) There seems to be so many more friends, but I'll be typing this until forever. I love you all; thanks for helping me to see the good and joys in my life, and in turn, making me forget the bad... <3
I also want to give thanks for being able to write and a lot more. I want to thank everyone that's been in my life, even if they may have hurt me, because without being hurt, I wouldn't have felt alive, believe it, or not.
However, I'm not thankful for the cruelty and ignorance of the human race, because it annoys me to no end. Nor am I thankful for the numerous kids, in this shithole called town, or in school, who think they're hot and own the place (go shove a million broomsticks up your ass) ...I'm not thankful for life being miserable at times.
Nevertheless, I wish you all, a Happy Thanksgiving.
Now, couch time.
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| stupid, first entry. |
[20 Nov 2003|08:59pm] |
So now I got a LiveJournal to rant my views on the world - joy, joy. So the girl I am... one of those people who always relives her past in her mind at least once a day. Yeah, that's me alright. I can't just "get over things" I just sit and think about it for hours on end and just stare blankly at walls or at the sky or even at my shoes. I mean, it may just look like I'm lost in space, but I'm reliving key moments in my life that I sometimes wish never occurred. I mean, past relationships and just those times when life would be the worst, but yeah.... that's why I'm silent_scars, I just can't let things go... can't give it up. Well this is a stupid, first entry, this journal will be made "Friends Only" eventually, so comment if you'd like to be added...
...hmm... LiveJournal feels different. This should be interesting.
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